


Blind trust

by Elybell



Category: Motherland: Fort Salem (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Post Season 1, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:08:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28169784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elybell/pseuds/Elybell
Summary: Scylla and Raelle are done with the military. At least that's what they think until one day Abigail and Tally ask Raelle to accompany them on a mission in Europe.Trust is yet to be earned but sometimes circumstances help.
Relationships: Raelle Collar/Scylla Ramshorn
Comments: 5
Kudos: 80
Collections: MFSRI Winter Solstice Fic Exchange 2020





	1. The mission

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hedakomskaikru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedakomskaikru/gifts).



> For this story I followed your first request: they go to a mission and they're not sure they'll come in time for Christmas.  
> There is angst but there is also a happy ending! I hope you enjoy your gift!

Beep, beep, beep

Raelle moved under the covers. As she did so she moved one arm and the IV wire swung dangerously, attached to the small plastic bag next to the bed. Tally shook herself from her torpor, stopping the metal rod on her right with one hand so as not to risk it falling, pushed by Raelle's movement. The redhead sighed, running a hand over her tired eyes.  
"You don't have to stay here Tal" Raelle's voice was thick with sleep, but still she hadn't abandoned the hard and resentful note that had distinguished her since it happened. The blonde had her back to her, curled up under the thick woolen blankets they had managed to find.  
"I’ll stay"  
"Whatever" The friend muttered, absolutely intractable, and after a few minutes she fell back into sleep, tired and irritated.

_"Which one do you like? The red one? Or maybe the golden one?"_   
_The cold air could not pass beyond the thick scarf raised up above the blonde’s nose, yet she felt very cold. The pulled-down wool cap covered her eyebrows too. Scylla, since Raelle was hesitating to answer, turned to look at her questioningly. As soon as she did, she lost interest in the lights displayed in the shop window and came close to her girlfriend, squeezing her hand tightly and whispering beside her face._   
_“Are you feeling cold?” The brunette smiled amused, looking at her and Raelle moved her gaze from the lighted and overflowing window to Scylla's eyes, the color she preferred in the world. The blonde matched her smile and even though her mouth was covered behind the layer of dark green wool, her eyes showed her expression._   
_"It's bloody cold"_   
_Scylla took her other hand, assuming a mischievous expression and laughed in a low voice._   
_"I like it though. It makes your eyes look clearer than the sky"_   
_Raelle's smile changed to a sweeter one, her breath became warm and passed through the wefts of the wool, creating a small cloud of condensation in front of her face, between her and her girlfriend._   
_"I like the golden one" she said, giving her attention to the shop window. Scylla did the same, turning towards it without letting go of the other witch's hand._   
_"I like the red one, what will we do?"_   
_"We will take the golden one, as we have already established"_   
_Scylla clicked her tongue, amused but aware of what Raelle meant._   
_"I thought it was limited to other things, not Christmas decorations" She gave her girlfriend a quick sly glance, but this time Raelle made sure to hide the smile that curled her lips._   
_“Oh no. It applies to everything"_   
_Since the war ended a year earlier, the two had managed to reconnect, to explain, to begin to forgive each other. It was not a process that could last a few weeks; the months had passed and the progress had been seen, but Raelle had decided that she deserved something more after being betrayed. Scylla had hidden important parts of her life from her, her primary purpose had been to hand her over to the Spree, and even though the plan had changed direction over time, as Scylla reminded her almost every day, she still remembered it well._   
_Trusting blindly wasn't easy. For Raelle, for sure._   
_So, one day she decided to make things fun, asking Scylla to accept some of her ideas and whims without arguing, to settle the score. The first request had been to train with her in the rain, which she knew Scylla hated; but it was necessary to know how willing the girl was to fight for her. And Scylla had done it, just as well as she had satisfied many other requests, from the simplest to the most elaborate, in order to be at Raelle's side._   
_“Anyway, we still have time before Christmas. It's only October” Raelle turned, starting to walk again. Scylla was immediately beside her, slipping a hand into the pocket of her coat, intertwining her fingers with hers._   
_“It's never too early for Christmas, Rae. That's why I have already planned something for you"_   
_“Scyl, you know I don't want anything” She hadn't even thought about it yet, what to get Scylla for Christmas and she tried to mislead the subject._   
_“Everyone wants something, Rae. Even you” Scylla laughed softly, squeezing her hand inside the pocket. "At least that is what seemed to me last night" Her voice took on a decidedly mischievous note. Raelle did not answer, looking at her for a moment out of the corner of her eye, but voluntarily remaining focused on the road they had to take to get home, the house where they lived together, small and welcoming. Scylla, however, increased the dose, deciding to not have pity on her._   
_"If I remember correctly, you wished I wouldn't stop when I tied your hands behind the back of the chair and undressed in front of you, and then when I sat on your legs and put my hands inside your pants-"_   
_"Okay, enough, we're in public, God" Raelle told her, looking around. Scylla did the same thing, noting that there was not a soul on the sidewalk but the two of them._   
_"I don't see anyone" She commented, pulling herself closer to her girlfriend, making their shoulders rub._   
_"Yeah, well, that's different" The blonde arched her eyebrows, slightly embarrassed as she thought back to the previous night. They had reached the way home, located between two others, surrounded by a small and humble garden where some bushes and an oak tree grew right next to the window. It had been a gift from the government for Raelle's military service, as well as forgiveness to Scylla at her request. But this last part, Scylla did not know._   
_"Yes? Different? Are your requests legitimate when it comes to that?" The Necro's voice faded with amusement and challenge, but not with provocation. Scylla just enjoyed seeing Raelle embarrassed and frustrated, just that. "When will I be able to join the game too? It's been over a year now. And I have some ideas” She turned her back to Raelle, fiddling with the house keys before slipping them into the lock and opening the door with a sly smile._   
_Raelle lowered her scarf under her chin, ready to be greeted by the warmth of the house which, although it had few rooms, was perfect for them. She surrounded her girlfriend's hips from behind as soon as Scylla opened the door and pushed her inside, placing a few light kisses on her neck._   
_"You start telling me a few and I'll see what I can do" Raelle closed the door behind her back and, with it, Scylla's smile and giggles were a privilege reserved only for her._

When the spoon missed the plate, Raelle felt Tally want to say something.  
The redhead, however, only took a breath and stopped before speaking, moving her eyes to the rigid figure of Raelle, sitting on the bed, leaning against the two pillows with her back.  
"Are you feeling cold?"  
The blonde exhaled a very small and dry laugh and for a single moment thought of Scylla, her eyes, her memory of a few months before, in front of the Christmas lights. She moved the spoon to the right, thus dipping it under the surface of the hot soup; then she brought a little to her lips, smelling its aroma as it came under the nose.  
"No"  
It had been like this for ten days now. Abigail and Tally took turns to help Raelle on a daily basis, Raelle refused any perceived help and even when nothing happened, or before falling asleep, she complained quietly, saying she didn't need any help. Her sisters were worried, partly because that attitude was certainly not healthy or positive, partly because the plane that would take them home would arrive in two days. That was great news, especially for their families; it meant they would be back on time, but Raelle seemed to be more anxious than happy about it.  
The plate on Raelle's legs was dangerously slant, the liquid threatened to spill over the front with every movement of the girl, Tally stared at it each time with mute apprehension, hoping that her sister would not burn with the hot liquid. Luckily the meal was over without any damage and the redhead walked over to the bed to get Raelle's cutlery. The fixer let her do that in silence while moving her torso back against the soft pillows. She massaged her forehead with uncertain and unstable fingers, avoiding to touch the bandages on her face.  
"Any news from the fixers?" She pursed her lips, bringing both hands back to her lap, and there they squeezed the white fabric of the blankets, making their knuckles whiten.  
Tally closed her eyes, taking some time to respond and allowed herself to look at Raelle with a mixture of compassion and sadness, knowing she could do it.  
“No, they continue saying it's a devilry created by some members of the Camarilla who use magic in a distorted way. Finding the inversion spell is much more difficult when the vibrations are not harmonic"  
Raelle nodded, lowering her head and looking at her hands.  
She only did it in a figurative sense, of course, because her eyes, behind the bandages, hadn't shown her anything for more than one week. Darkness had fallen on her world from that day.

_"Do you think Tally would like these?" Abigail lifted in front of Raelle’s eyes a pair of bright green heavy socks with red felt balls attached here and there. The blonde wrinkled her nose, lowering her friend's hands, inviting her to put those terrible things back in the basket of mixed goods._   
_“Yes, if she wants to look like an elf who ate the wrong mushrooms. And then, why is everyone so eager to get to Christmas this year? We are only in early November”_   
_Abigail continued to walk slowly between the stalls, shrugging._   
_“Personally I always start preparing gifts in advance, because there’s no crowd and you find the best things. And then, with the mission ahead of us, I don't want to risk it”_   
_Raelle nodded, thinking that she had not yet told Scylla about her decision to accompany her sisters to Austria. Abigail and Tally had talked to her about that little mission some time before, asking her if she could accompany them since it was just a small job of guarding, gathering information and taking care of some survivors of an attack that took place during the summer by the Camarilla. Just like old times. Raelle had taken some time to think about it, also knowing what Scylla thought about military missions. "Was it Alder who proposed it?" She asked her sisters to get some more details that would help her decide. "No, Anacostia followed the operation on her own initiative and told us to join the team already on site" Tally replied. “Please, we miss you, Raelle. Come with us just this time"_   
_And Raelle, after several days, had accepted._   
_She ran her hand over the exposed and folded clothes, wandering with her gaze on the tide of colors that were already beginning to tell about Christmas: lights twinkled, sparkled, flashed intermittently; the fabrics all seemed the same, her calloused hands didn't feel too much difference from each other, but at least the colors helped her a little more. Maybe Abigail was right, it was better to start thinking about the gift she wanted to give Scylla so as not to find herself at the last moment without ideas._   
_"Don't you think we'll be back in time to decorate and choose our gifts?" She told her sister, who walked in front of her and was trying to figure out what to buy for her huge family of wealthy militants in the army._   
_“Sure, but I still like to do it early. You know, my mother, all my fathers, cousins, friends... I wanted to take something beautiful for Charvel's family too” Her voice was lost in a thoughtful whisper, Raelle's clear eyes darted across her face, looking for some trace of sadness. Fortunately, Abigail seemed to remain relaxed and calm._   
_“By the way, Scylla must have reacted well if she agreed to accompany Tally today. What did she say when she knew about you coming with us?" The taller girl murmured, smiling, glancing at her but always remaining focused on her mission. Raelle sniffed, clearing her throat and followed the taller girl between the stalls._   
_"I haven't told her yet"_   
_The other stopped, turning on her heels, and fixed her gaze into hers, serious. "Are you joking? We thought you did. We thought you talked about it with her before deciding"_   
_“I know, I know, I will. But I don't have to ask her for permission to take my decisions, do I? We're not married. And then she has yet to earn all my trust, you know I'm not one who blindly trusts someone, especially after what happened" She shifted her weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable, and suddenly everything surrounding her became very interesting. But Abigail stepped closer, warning her._   
_“Okay, Rae, but you still decided to live together. She seems honest, and you know how I always felt about her. You don't decide to live together if you aren't sure you love someone. Why didn't you tell her?"_   
_Raelle bit her lip, insisting not to look at her sister, who instead seemed unwilling to let her be. She was right, her excuse was that Scylla still had to deserve her complete trust, but the reality was that she feared that Scylla would tell her no, that she disagreed, because she hated the military, missions and all that had to do with the army. Raelle herself did not admire at all what the army had done but there, in Fort Salem, she had found her family; two sisters for whom she would give her life, and they would do the same for her. Raelle didn't tell Scylla because she couldn't decide between her sisters and the love of her life. She didn't love one more than the others, they were simply two different types of love, and the mere thought of a ‘no’ from Scylla had kept her from communicating her her decision._   
_In short, diving deep into those thoughts, the blonde admitted the real reason for her silence. Abigail had known her for too long now to not notice what Raelle had hidden in the pauses between words._   
_“Do you fear she would have told you no? Knowing how close you are to us?"_   
_“I don't know, Abs, okay? You don't know her like I do. And she hates the military. I don't like it either, that's why I retired... but"_   
_"But? You love us. And we love you. If Scylla loves you like I think she does, she will understand your motives"_   
_But Raelle remained undecided, her eyes fixed on a beautiful blue dress, similar to the color of Scylla's eyes, but not as deep and bright. She thought that might be a nice Christmas present. Abigail followed her gaze, noticing the dress, and crossed her arms on her chest._   
_“Try to trust her, Rae. Take the first step. In a relationship this is how it's done. And buy that dress, she’ll love it"_

_She walked home on foot instead of taking public transport, because she had to think and prepare her speech. Raelle had never been good with words, but for this occasion they were necessary._   
_She abandoned the sidewalk, turning left onto the path to the property, setting her eyes on the little house she shared with Scylla: the shed on the right was half broken and the garage door was slightly lopsided but still worked, inside were the boxes that didn’t fit inside the house: two bicycles, an old moldy armchair and various combat clothes, closed in their plastic bags; the front of the house was made of red bricks, it hadn't been painted and they liked it that way, simple and basic, far better than any house they'd ever had in their childhood; to enter you had to go up a couple of steps, the door was of solid wood and each window frame was made of the same material. White curtains did not allow to see through the glass. Next to the door, a little higher, was an old dangling wall lamp of wrought iron, similar to those on old street lamps. Raelle let that view enter inside her mind, calming her nerves. When she reached the last step she took the keys out of the pocket, inserting one into the lock, making it click, and opened the door._   
_Inside, the silence was perfect, the daylight filtered through every window, giving the environment a calm and peaceful air._   
_"Scyl? I'm home" The phrase felt so right on her tongue._   
_No one answered._   
_She left the keys in the ceramic bowl in front of the door, placed above the long white marble shelf, under the large mirror, and there she left her shoes, walking barefoot on the wood floor._   
_"Scylla? Are you home?" Raelle took off her jacket and left the little shopping bag she'd bought on the sofa, looking towards the kitchen, on the left. When she finally entered the room she saw Scylla sitting at the table, reading an old botany magazine. The light from the window illuminated her from behind, from there Raelle could see the brown shade of her wavy hair, the dark green hue of the sweatshirt she was wearing, which looked black in the dark._   
_"When were you going to tell me?" The brunette raised her head, staring her eyes into hers, cold._   
_Raelle froze in the center of the kitchen, taken aback._   
_"Tell you what?" She tried, tried to sound unaware, but Scylla knew her, and perhaps those two words were just the most wrong she could have uttered._   
_“You have a lot of nerve, Raelle. Tell me what? Tally told me this morning, because she thought I already knew. But no. I had to pretend nothing happened, smile and laugh after knowing from someone who was not you that the three of you are going to Europe with the military in just a week, for a month! You promised me this would be our first Christmas together"_   
_The blonde took a step closer, trying to find the best way to express herself._   
_"Scyl, it's only until the beginning of December, I would come back the first week of the month, I swear" She tried to take her hand, but Scylla slipped away, getting up from her chair with a shocked and hurt expression on her face. She frowned, her chin trembled._   
_“That's not the point, Raelle. You didn't tell me. You still don’t trust me, after months and months of trying, of walking towards you. I try every day, Rae. Every single day I am aware of the mistake I have made, that I have made to you, and I try to fix it. Every... single day, Raelle"_   
_“I never asked for the moon, Scylla. Do you blame me for not trusting you completely? I am trying, okay?" Raelle no longer tried to get closer, clenching her fists and returning Scylla's resentful expression. But Scylla, if all the other times had tried to smooth the sharp edges of her character, this time she didn't make that choice._   
_"I did not say that. But a bridge is not built only on one side, while you are leaving me to build it all by myself, even the part that belongs to you! Alright then! Do I deserve it? Have you decided that I deserve it? It’s fine, i deserve that. But the least you can do is tell me the truth, Raelle"_   
_"What do you want me to tell you, Scyl?"_   
_"I want you to tell me why you didn't tell me about this"_   
_“Because you hate the military, Scylla. And you hate everything that has anything to do with it. If I had talked about the mission to you, you would have said no, and I would have had to abandon my sisters"_   
_“I hate the military and everything that has to do with it? You were a soldier when I chose you, Raelle. Do you remember that? You are still choosing them and I still love you" Scylla swallowed the lump in her throat, letting out the words she needed to say before it became impossible. “I never would’ve told you not to do what you thought was right. I love you, Raelle, even though you are still tied to the military, the same military that killed my parents. And if you think I would have made you choose between me and your sisters, you don't know me at all” She spat that out with anger and sadness, hurt by Raelle's total lack of trust in her._   
_The other girl immediately regretted the fears that had prompted her not to talk, because it was not judgment or lack of will that made her doubt Scylla, only fear._   
_"Scyl, Scyl wait... please" She walked over to her, lowering her voice and gripping her hands tightly in her own, being patient at Scylla’s trying to push her away, thinking she deserved it. She sought her gaze, as she did whenever she could find no words or ways to make Scylla understand how much she cared about her._   
_"I didn't tell you because I was afraid. Only fear. I don't want to choose between you and them, Scyl. I could never do that. They are my sisters, and you are... you are the one I love. I was afraid of how you would react, I thought... I thought something stupid. I know how difficult it is for you, that's also why I didn't tell you" She tried to show the whole truth as best she could, without hiding, and Scylla seemed to think about it, while clenching her jaw tightly to hold back an emotional explosion._   
_“I'm not telling you not to go, Rae. But you know the reason why we left. You know what happens in war” Scylla's eyes moistened, turning even bluer than normal, and Raelle hurriedly took her face in her hands, stroking it._   
_“I'm sorry, Scyl, I didn't tell you. But I promise, I swear it will be short, and completely safe. I will not fight. For no reason. They need me, Scyl, I am the best fixer they had"_   
_Scylla placed her hands on those of her girlfriend, compassionate, ready for action and whom she loved from the first day they touched her. She closed her eyes, exhaling._   
_“I know you, Raelle. If there is a need you will do what you have always done because that's who you are. But I hope with all my heart you are right"_

Raelle was right.  
There had been no need for any attacking action. As Abigail said, the mission consisted of small expeditions aimed at gathering evidence and information, some blasters went to the places hit by the attacks, then returning to the base accompanied by survivors, refugees or wounded who remained hidden until then. But Raelle never moved from there, ever. Inside the base at the foot of the Eastern Alps, life was military: simple meals, lack of electricity in every snowstorm, cold water in the showers and few beds for the seriously injured. Fortunately they remained unused most of the time as every three days a helicopter arrived, took the civilians and left, headed to the nearest base, making room for others. Raelle was busy most hours of the day treating simple wounds, cold burns, cuts or, at best, some untreated cold that had spread to the bronchial tubes, a couple of kid's lungs. But she was good, maybe the best, and nothing had turned out to be a serious problem. Being back in action with her sisters felt good.  
The day before the date of their return, Abigail and Tally returned to the base looking grave, tired and disheveled. Abigail told of having seen, among the crevasses of the high mountains, groups of people wedged between rocks and debris, and that the recovery mission would be long and in need of patience and meticulousness, as the cold made the skin of civilians extremely fragile and the rock, at that point in the mountains, was sharper than the blade of a knife, as if it had been placed there on purpose. Tally just nodded, because they met outside the base a few minutes before and she had seen nothing on her patrol.  
Raelle had absorbed the news with growing moodiness, thinking of the consequences her delay would have on her promise to Scylla; in the days that followed their discussion Raelle had promised that she would do everything in her power to return to her unscathed and on the appointed day, thus earning Scylla's total approval. Now she found herself obliged to break the promise. Scylla was really trying to be supportive, Raelle thought, and that meant she could stop being so mistrustful. Anacostia immediately went to the telephone room, accompanied by Raelle, and the two found themselves talking.  
"Are you calling Scylla?" Said the sergeant, opening the door and letting her pass, only earning an irritated look. "Yes"  
The call did not last long. For the most part it saw Raelle leaning against the wall with her forehead, eyes closed and clenched fists, other than many I’m sorry and I know, while the other woman stood in a corner, intending not to bother the private conversation.  
“I'm sorry” Anacostia told without looking at her once the old, faded handset was reattached on the metal contraption attached to the wall, marking the end of Raelle’s call.  
"Are you?" Raelle walked past her without deigning the woman of a glance and took the rusty handle of the door between her fingers, ready to leave the room.  
"Collar"  
The blonde was forced to stop before she had half-opened the splintered wooden door.  
"Yes. I'm really sorry. Tell the others that I will notify headquarters not to send any more planes until we have recovered all the survivors. So we'll all go home. Together"  
Raelle just nodded, as she had done a thousand times during military service and training, and left the room, trying not to slam the door too hard, since that thing looked like it wanted to detach itself from its hinges at any moment. The corridor smelled of mold and closed air, so much that Raelle had to cover her nose with the sleeve of the jacket, not getting a great result though, as that material was not like cotton or wool, but much more like plastic.  
She went to the central room, the one used as a canteen, meeting room and common space, and there she found Tally and Abigail bent over a table, already engaged in the study of a map and the methods they would use to rescue people in the coming days. The blonde informed them about what Anacostia had ordered, Abigail nodded briefly and told her that new children had arrived with them that morning. With a look she made it clear the request to see if everyone was okay. Raelle, already in a bad mood, rolled her eyes at the way her sister pointed to the direction of the room where they had taken the kids. The fixer headed there while Tally and Abigail bent over the map again, talking to each other. Both were still wearing their combat uniforms.  
It was from that moment that everything became vague as if inside a dream, unreal, yet it really happened.  
Raelle stepped into the room, counting about five children, most of them under the age of four, or were there more? She bent down to look at them all with kindness, joking and smiling, reassuring them; she hadn't noticed anything strange. But she had felt something when she turned towards the last one, a bit older than the others. He was just a kid. There were terror and fear in his eyes, he trembled. Raelle had told him to stay calm, that she would not hurt him, he had put his hands in his pockets and the fixer had followed that movement with her gaze, finding it normal. Very normal.  
In the boy's hand, however, there was nothing normal. There was a detonator. Raelle saw the red light flash against the fabric of the trousers of that little hostage, frightened and confused. It was too late. She barely had time to turn around and gather the other children as best as she could under her, protecting them all with her own body. A moment later, an explosion of light inhibited her senses. The ceiling trembled, the walls shook, the floor cracked, and the base sank several meters underground, covered in tons of rock debris.

She opened her eyes and took a sudden breath, emerging from a state of unconsciousness. Her ears were ringing. In the explosion, in addition to the screams of the children, there was another sound that had lashed her ears, but she could not understand what it was. The only thing she was able to do was cover her ears and close her eyes tightly, while a very intolerable heat had expanded from her ear canals to her forehead, all around and behind her eyes, burning. Raelle was bleeding, hit by shrapnel and metal, but at that moment she didn't care about her condition. The light had gone out, now the space was illuminated by a very small red light that could be glimpsed among the giant collapsed boulders inside the room, breaking through the ceiling. Shrouded in darkness, she made sure everyone was okay, trying to ignore the way her arms ached, as did her back and legs. Likewise, the eyes. The children were fine.  
Soldiers arrived, bringing those who were left unharmed to the medical room. They took everyone out of there, saving what could be saved, and Raelle was grateful that she was able to take upon herself what would probably have hit the little innocents.  
“Raelle! Oh my god, what-what was that?" Tally, it was Tally's voice. Yet she couldn't see her. Why had all the lights gone out?  
"One of the kids had a detonator, I didn't make it in time, I could only save the others" she moved her arms, trying to find some wall, something to grab.  
“Which kid? Which?" Abigail's voice. It was coming from another direction. Raelle turned her ear, trying to understand what was happening, but the adrenaline in her body still traveled at full speed and the priority was to give the details of what had happened.  
“The… the older one. Beige sweater, tousled hair. Where.. am I? Where are the children?"  
“They took them away, Rae, don't worry. We will interrogate him" Tally sat her down, gently nudging her shoulder. Below, she felt the cold metal of a chairs.  
"What" Raelle moved her hands, touching the thing she was sitting on. Why didn't she smell burning like after every explosion? Why was there no smell of dust? Boulders had fallen, the floor had cracked, she had seen it.  
“Why are you two so calm? Why don't these damn lights work?"  
"Rae, the lights are working. We heard an explosion, there was a very strong earthquake, but beyond that, nothing. We immediately ran here” The redhead put her hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down. "What do you have around your eyes, Rae?"  
Abigail approached too, worried, or so it seemed to Raelle, who could see absolutely nothing.  
"Raelle, you are wounded, we have to take you to a fixer, immediately"  
"No, no, I'm fine!" But it wasn't true. She felt her arms burn and felt the same also on her back. It must have been a considerable wound. When she tried to get to her feet, a stab of pain seared the muscles under her shoulder blades and she leaned forward, but someone held her up. Raelle just didn't see who. Even the faintest outline, even the little red light -which was only the last thing she saw, the detonator light- she previously saw behind her lids, vanished into the dark.

It turned out that the base had actually fallen below ground level with the explosion, created specifically for that purpose; the boy had been interrogated by Anacostia and he immediately admitted what he had done, amid tears and tremors: the members of the Camarilla gave all the hostages a detonator like that, telling them it was the only way out for their families. What they had to do was simple: push the red button once inside the army base and all prisoners would be released. If they had done it before, every family would have been executed.  
The truth was that the detonator had to be close to the charge to work; if someone had pushed the button earlier, nothing would have happened. He also said that the scene of the wounded fallen into the crevasses was an illusion created by those evil men - as the boy called them- weeks before, to deceive the witches and buy time. That child was just a victim of the Camarilla group who attacked the place, now estranged and defeated that very morning. How could an innocent kid, whose only desire was to reunite with his family, know he was being used as a human weapon? Anacostia, maximum charge inside the base, let him go, coming to the conclusion that too much had been taken away from him already, especially at a time when every child deserved to live carefree. Abigail and Tally went to the infirmary after discussing it with Anacostia and took the news to Raelle, who they had left on a bed attached to an IV after being treated by a fixer.  
The cuts had healed, the fractured ribs that had caused her back pain had almost healed, but the intense red halo surrounding her eyes had not disappeared; one fixer tried and continued to try to cure it until she was exhausted, Abigail had forced her to stop so as not to let her pass out. Now the third member of the Bellweather unit was sitting in her bed, eyes covered with multiple layers of bandages.  
"A victim, then." The blonde massaged her hands without seeing them, trying not to show how much annoyance she felt in front of the reality that was denying her sight. "Is he okay?"  
“Yes, he's fine, just tired and afraid. He's with the other children now"  
A heavy silence fell inside the room, laden with everything each member of the unit wanted to say but didn't, one because the urge to talk to her sisters had suddenly left her and the other two because the hard expression on Raelle’s face. The fixer was quite eloquent with her silence but, as often happened in the past, Abigail took on the consequences.  
“Raelle, I'm sorry. Nothing should have happened"  
“You're absolutely right, Abigail. Nothing should have happened. It was precisely for this reason that I agreed to come with you"  
"Raelle," this was Tally's voice, "they'll heal you"  
"I hope so, Tal" The smaller girl turned her head toward the hypothetical direction the other two sisters were, fixing her eyes on a point she could not know was the exact one or not. Her voice sounded harsh and unyielding, and Tally and Abigail bit their tongues, watching Raelle blindly stare at the wall instead of them.  
Their sister had just phoned Scylla, telling her that it would take at least two more weeks to come home, she had just told her that this would be the last bad news of the year.  
"Scylla was asleep when I woke her up to tell her that I wasn't coming back to save people’s lives which, it seems, were just a mess. She asked me if I was okay"  
She didn't see Abigail's expression, made suspicious by her accusatory tone.  
“What do you mean by that? They were survivors, they looked like wounded and frightened people"  
“And you don't even know a Seed of Revelation, Abigail? Couldn't you have used it to make sure they really were?"  
"Guys, sorry, I have to…" Tally tried to speak and calm the tones, but was interrupted by Abigail.  
"Wait, Tal." Two footsteps on the floor. She had approached, her voice also sounded slightly closer. “You didn't have anything to say before. You believed me like everyone else did. Who knew it was just a trap for us to stay here? Blocked, under tons and tons of rock?"  
“Well, Abigail, you should have thought about it. And since you didn't, here we are all, buried ahead of time. God, if I had been still a first year private I would have been happy to die like this"  
“You're just shocked, you idiot. Your painkillers are talking. Sleep and clear your head. We are all in the same situation here."  
Angry footsteps hurried off along the corridor, probably those of the leader of the unit.  
“I had to go back to Scylla! I'm only here because I was told nothing was going to happen. And no, Abigail! " She raised her voice when she did not hear the sound of footsteps turning back but moving away faster. “We are not all in the same situation at all! You can leave this room without hitting your face against a fucking wall!" She yelled after Abigail, completely frustrated. A twinge in her intercostal muscles forced her to breathe faster. She put her hand next to her right breast, on the side of the body, cursing the inexperience of the fixer who had fixed her bones there. After which she closed herself in an obstinate silence that lasted more than a few minutes.  
“Well, didn't you have a mission, Tal? Go and do something useful, I'm more than useless here" She burst out irritated, trying to mitigate her voice at the last moment in front of Tally, who had proved, as always, kinder than Abigail.  
But Tally didn't answer her, because she had to leave the room before she even yelled at Abigail, called by a seer who needed her immediate help, and she didn't want to interrupt her sisters, thinking they would behave in a mature way. She wasn't always supposed to bring peace between them.  
But Raelle did not know, and not noticing the absence of her friend infuriated her even more than the sadness she felt at not receiving an answer.

Those were Raelle’s days, immersed in darkness, in uncertainty, in forced aid. She had plenty of time to think about the gifts she hadn't taken, the decorations she wouldn't see until who knows when. She consciously avoided thinking about everything else she couldn't see, far more important than a few lighted Christmas trees, like, for example, Scylla. Every day, a fixer showed up to try a new Seed on her, and she didn't hear her until she made herself heard somehow. Raelle hated it.  
She hated not seeing, hated not having decided to stay at home, with Scylla, to choose some stupid decorations that, now, didn't seem so stupid. She tried to rethink the color of the dress she had seen with Abigail at the market, but the blue seemed to dip only into the shade of Scylla's eyes, the shade she had looked at for the longest in her life.  
With the passage of time she realized how little she stopped to observe things, now that, immersed in the darkness, every shape became irregular, faded, opaque, and the colors fell into the depths of black, losing brightness, luster.  
That was one of the things she missed most: light. Not just light itself, but the light reflected on colors, the light that created a sparkle on the grass, wet with dew or covered by frost, the light reflected on the surface of water. She thought about it, tried to recall it with all her strength to memory, but those who have a privilege all their life never appreciate it in its entirety until it is taken away from them. And then the world is bad, someone is to blame, because suddenly you no longer own something you always had, and it's unfair. Raelle smiled sadly at those thoughts, because it was truly nobody’s fault, not even Abigail’s. Her anger mitigated.  
She thought of Scylla and her parents. She thought about the choice the girl had made at a time when the clash of the two sides, military and Spree, was in full force, and realized that in that moment, when they were dancing at the Bellweather wedding, Scylla knew that by choosing her she would had everyone, every faction, against.  
Lack of sight forced her to focus on what she did not see but feel. Scents, sounds, shapes, textures, presences. Tally's presence was the one that most comforted her; when the girl sat in the bedside chair Raelle felt no distress, no irritation or discomfort. She was aware that she could ask her anything at any time, and the silence between them was calm and peaceful. Abigail came less frequently, because yes, after the first day they had apologized and reconciled, but their personalities were too similar: Abigail lost her temper much more often than Tally in the face of her stubbornness and everyone knows returning fire with fire does not create anything good. Plus, Raelle sensed guilt in every word the taller girl said every time she visited her to communicate something.  
The fixers never had good news for her, they didn't know what caused her loss of sight, but knowing the methods used by the Camarilla it was probably due to a manipulated Seed, crippled and rendered unrecognizable. A Necro could have done more than a fixer, maybe. A necro like Scylla.  
Raelle touched her eyes from over the bandages they had put on more for her request than for real necessity and tried to put a little more pressure than the previous days, to feel if the pain had subsided. So it was. She had no pain, neither in her eyes, nor in the skin around them, nor in the surrounding bones. She slowly took off the bandages, rolling them backwards, gritting her teeth. When they finished, Raelle took a breath and lifted her eyelids.  
Nothing.  
"Fuck. Fuck, fuck." She squeezed the fabric tight between her fingers, angry and confused. Why was this happening to her?  
She blindly pulled the bandages back over her eyes, holding the end side still and rolling the rest around the head the best she could, alone.  
"Do you need a hand?"  
Raelle jumped on the bed, hating that involuntary act. She didn’t hear anyone coming, the steps had been silent and imperceptible. Obviously. The voice was that of Sergeant Quartermaine.  
Raelle shrugged, shaking her head.  
"I don't need help"  
The footsteps approached, someone sat on the bed, on the blankets, which gripped Raelle's legs.  
"Let me help you, Collar. Okay?" Anacostia's tone did not allow any replies, so Raelle let her do it, leaving her hands fall on the warm blanket.  
"Does your back still ache?" While carefully bandaging Raelle's head, Anacostia spoke softly, differently from how she had spoken to her in those few previous times she had visited her, always in company of someone else.  
"Yes. Are you sure I am being healed by fixers and not by blasters?"  
Anacostia laughed briefly, producing more a snort than a laugh.  
"Not all of them are as talented as you, Raelle"  
"What a shame"  
The girl certainly did nothing to make a talk pleasant for everyone, but Anacostia was well used to her attitude and knew how she behaved when things didn't go her way.  
“Scylla is fine. She asked about you."  
Raelle bit the inside of her lip, the tendons under the skin of her neck pulled and relaxed in a very short time, the Sergeant still noticed it but avoided commenting, leaving her time to respond.  
"Really? Isn’t she mad..?"

After four days of isolation Anacostia had managed to obtain a transmitter that would reach the nearest inhabited center; she could only send fragmented signals and for just a few seconds a day, so they had to study the messages to be sent well and hope for an answer. Three days after, Fort Salem had sent more than one rescue airplane, but finding the devilries that blocked the use of the voice to move rocks was not easy in the rubble of the mountain, and neither could they count on the civil help of excavators or cranes, because the base was well hidden between paths accessible only on foot, created there for safety and anonymity. If they had been a little less anonymous, perhaps, now they would have already been pulled out of there.  
The first messages had been directed to Fort Salem, so they could send help as soon as possible. After that, all the witches were able to write a little message for their families if they wanted to. Raelle initially refused, thinking that Scylla would not forgive her and she didn’t want to worry her girlfriend without being able to speak to her directly. However, Tally and Abigail had insisted, telling her that Scylla deserved to know what had happened, to prepare herself for when they would return home.  
"Does that mean you think they won't cure me before we go home?"  
The silence that responded her words was more than eloquent.  
It had been Tally who had sent a message on Raelle's behalf, explaining to Scylla what had happened, but the general response they received later was not Scylla's. The next days came, and with them Scylla’s response: it consisted of a few simple words, which made Raelle smile.  
"When she comes back I will kill her with my own hands"

Anacostia continued working with caring hands. "Yes, she did. We have already forwarded today's message, telling everyone that we will be back in three days. Blasters are making progress"  
"Okay"  
The older woman finished arranging the bandages so they wouldn't come loose and stared at Raelle, who couldn't return her gaze but only sense it.  
"What?"  
"Are you still angry at Abigail?"  
Raelle snorted, leaning on the pillows too quickly. She winced because of the pain in her ribs and put her hand over them; the irritation turned into tiredness.  
"No, we reconciled. Although you should ask her if she still is, not me, here all day, completely useless"  
“You are not useless, Collar. You know how to heal the most serious wounds"  
"Which ended a week ago. And I can’t even cure myself"  
Anacostia, however, placed a hand on hers, squeezing it, and Raelle started to withdraw, surprised by that gesture never received by the woman.  
“I'm talking about another type of wound, Raelle. You know how to heal the wounds that are not seen, those that are in the heart. So you did with Scylla."  
She let go of her hand, stood up from the bed and adjusted her uniform. Probably, at least. This is what Raelle thought from the sound she heard, of plastic material over which a hand is passed several times. The fixer said nothing, reflecting on what Anacostia had just told her and she instantly noticed the irony of that story. Knowing how to heal invisible wounds and losing sight seemed to be a festive plan against her, like something that was telling her "You don't need eyes to live." Bullshit. Her only wish was to see Scylla again.  
“Hold on, Raelle. In two days the plane will arrive and you’ll go back to her"

With a coordinated and double action, joining inside and outside forces, the witches managed to find all the machines arranged by the Camarilla all around the base to repel the use and power of the voice, and thus managed to lift the boulders that would normally have been immovable. All this on the morning of their rescue.  
Tally entered Raelle's room, excited and out of breath after having helped the last group of witches with a difficult Seed. The blonde heard her screaming from the corridor. “Raelle, get up! We’re going home! We have seen the sky, finally!"  
Raelle stood with one hand against the wall, groping for her jacket, and stopped as soon as she heard her voice.  
"Oh, mh, that's great Tal"  
The redhead covered her mouth with a hand.  
“Sorry, I didn't mean to- I just wanted"  
“I know, Tal. Don't worry ” Raelle smiled quickly at her, then returned to her search without leaving the wall with the left hand. Tally watched her for a moment, realizing what she was looking for: the jacket was hung on the opposite side of the room. She took it and walked over to Raelle, placing it against her open hand and smiled at the small involuntary gasp that caught Raelle, frightened by the sudden sensation.  
"Here it is"  
Raelle took it and started to put it on, lifting the zipper up till below her chin and adjusting the collar, as if she could see herself. "Thanks" She passed her hand under her nose, a clear sign of embarrassment, but Tally wasted no time by taking her hand without asking and took her out of the room.  
"You’re welcome. You look great by the way. Come, Abigail is already outside"

The exit was more difficult than expected. Climbing over large rocks without being able to see was more difficult than expected. Constantly hearing "Ah, finally the blue of the sky!" was more difficult than expected.  
Tally was patient, she walked beside her and indicated where to put her feet, holding her arm firmly. Having a Seer as a sister had its positives, as she knew what it was like to see without exactly doing it with physical eyes.  
Raelle was feeling the hardness of a rock and considering the possibility of placing her weight on that foot when a hand landed with a loud pat on her shoulder and Abigail's voice came loudly to her ears after Tally's words.  
"Ready to go home shitbird?"  
Raelle covered her ear with one hand and made a face. “Can you not, please? Coming near me like that so suddenly, screaming?"  
Abigail and Tally exchanged a glance without being seen by the third sister and Abigail raised her eyebrows, confused. "That's the way I've always talked"  
The blonde smiled slyly, continuing to walk slowly. Around them, a few witches looked amused by that conversation.  
"If it took me this to understand how petulant you sound..."  
“Here they go again” Tally said softly.  
"Petulant? Look at her, standing on her own legs for a day and ready to go to war. What do you think, shitbird, do you want me to pick you up? Maybe we will arrive before evening"  
Raelle tried to hit her with her fist, but Abigail avoided her, smiling, which was the same expression Raelle had put on her face.  
"You are an idiot, Abigail"  
"They say the longer you are with someone the more you look like them, so..." The leader of the Bellweather unit nudged her shoulder lightly before walking away, laughing, towards the platform where the plane would arrive in a few hours. The happiness and relief felt by everyone was tangible. Tally and Raelle took the time it took for the shorter girl to get to the meeting place without sprained ankles.

\- - - - - -

The car hit every hole on the paved road on its way home. Either that was it, or Raelle had never really paid attention to how annoying the shaking of the seats or the creaking of a car's suspension were. Tally and Abigail were probably staring out the window, focused on what the landscape had to show them after their long flight, because neither of them spoke and Raelle could only focus on what she would say to Scylla once the front door of their house was opened.  
She still wore the bandages over her eyes, uselessly, because they were of no use if not to take her away from the embarrassment of perceiving the movements of the pupils on absolute emptiness. In her ravings of many hours of flying she had thought that maybe, going home, seeing Scylla, she would regain her sight. But frankly, Raelle did not know how much she could cling to these ephemeral hopes.  
Tally shifted on the seat to her right, sucking air loudly from her mouth.  
"Look how wonderful, these lights!"  
Abigail moved her leg against that of Raelle, who sat in the center of the seat.  
"They aren't that great. Much better last year"  
Raelle smiled, hiding that expression by lowering her head and letting her hair fall to the side of her face. For some reason, that unit always knew how to be the best: Abigail gave her support when Tally couldn't and Tally had qualities that Abigail hopelessly lacked. This time she appreciated Abigail's comment, which struck Tally too, perhaps a little too late. The girl took Raelle's hand and squeezed it, whispering a sincere apology, and no longer spoke.

"Are you ready?"

The fixer took a deep breath, closing the door of the car and stepping on the sidewalk where her sisters were waiting for her. They had known for several days now that helping her without her agreeing was not a good idea, so they gave the blonde some time to come out of the vehicle alone. Raelle did her best not to keep them waiting and when she stepped onto the cold, hard sidewalk, she was aware that she was finally home. After more than a month of absence, the scent of poplars and chestnut trees invaded all her senses, made much more acute by the lack of the one she considered the most important but, she realized, also the one that left no room for others.

She reached for the arm that was offered to her by Abigail and squeezed it, lowering her voice.  
"Where is she? Inside? Has she already opened the door?"  
Her sister probably turned her head towards the house before answering, taking a few more seconds.  
"She’s still inside. Do you want me to take off the bandag-"  
"No" Raelle answered dryly without letting her even finish the sentence. "Let’s go"  
Abigail and Tally, thus, accompanied her on the path that started from the common sidewalk and entered the small garden, now bare and cold. Raelle still imagined it as it had been during autumn, covered in colorful leaves of all shades of red and orange, but swapped immediately that mental image with one more suited to the present season. She found it difficult, for she had never paused too long to study every detail that surrounded her.  
The footsteps that brought her closer to the door made her heart rate increase, the road seemed endless, even though her feet had traveled it countless times, alone or with Scylla. As there were still a few steps to take, her mind flew a few days before her departure, when she and Scylla had come home late at night after a dinner at Tally's and the alcohol in their veins had made them more stumble than move, laughing like two adolescents, free from both the future and the past. Somewhere, there, she remembered falling. Scylla had laughed at her without helping her to get up and they had remained there for at least ten minutes, laughing together. It was the first time Raelle remembered Scylla being so carefree and loud since they met. She was beautiful.  
"Steps. Watch out, Rae." Tally whispered, placing a hand on her arm and bringing away those memories.  
They had arrived.  
If it didn't sound pathetic, Raelle would again ask Abigail to tell her if Scylla was already at the door, but if she was and could hear her, it would be embarrassing. So she continued walking, silent, clinging to the sleeve of Abigail's jacket as she slowly climbed the steps, one by one.

When the door opened, Raelle did not return to see. Nothing extraordinary happened, nothing she had hoped for or imagined. Scylla didn't say a word and this worried Raelle, because she could no longer look her in the eye to understand how she was feeling.  
"Hi, Scylla"  
"Scylla"  
Tally and Abigail spoke in chorus, adopting a voice much higher than their usual, Raelle instead figuratively kept her gaze down, like a girl caught red-handed.  
"Rae" Scylla's voice was low and calm, nothing hinted at her expression. Raelle did not even have time to say a word that the girl hugged her, holding her tightly in her arms. Her breathing was strong and agitated, her heart was pounding against her chest, and Raelle, for the first time, felt it beating strong against her own. She squeezed the girl back, letting out the breath of nervousness that was stuck in her throat from the moment she stepped on the last step, and everything began to melt. All resistance, all fear, all the tension built up during the previous weeks.  
She was home.

Tally and Abigail stayed for a few hours, wanting to clarify with Scylla about their displeasure about what happened. Abigail even surprised Raelle with her sincere words and apology while all four girls sat at the kitchen table in front of a cup of hot tea. Raelle felt unexpectedly uncomfortable. She wanted to kick her sisters out of her home so she could talk to Scylla, but it seemed rude in her mind. She wanted to ask Scylla what she thought, but she had to wait until they were alone. She would have liked to get up and go into the silence of her room, feeling more tired second after second, but she could not remember which direction to take to avoid reviewing every piece of furniture and every wall with the palms of her hands.  
"Girls, enough with apologizing. Now I would just like to be with Raelle. And I think... She's a bit tired, too" as if she had read her thoughts, Scylla spoke gently, making Raelle turn her head in the direction of her voice, rejoicing internally for that sound, one of the things she missed most. Fortunately, the explosion had affected only the eyes; if she had also lost her hearing she would not have made it.  
"Yes, of course. We'll immediately take our leave" If Raelle had been able to see, she would have seen the gazes of her sisters on her, but her eyes were blind, moreover covered by bandages, so the fixer heard only the crawling of chairs on the floor and the sound of clothes that rub against other fabric.  
She got up too, keeping one hand on the table but didn't try to turn in any direction.  
"Thank you for accompanying me. I'll call you before Christmas to tell you what time to come"  
A few moments of silence followed her words, seconds in which Tally and Abigail exchanged glances and then fixed their gaze on Scylla.  
"Are you… are you sure? If you want to be alone, we understand" Tally put on her jacket, ready to go out, but Scylla spoke up preceding Raelle.  
"If Raelle wants to, absolutely. We'll call you in a few days"  
From the first time she stepped into the house, Raelle knew that Scylla was smiling. Not entirely sincere, but with kindness towards her sisters. She, too, wanted to be alone and her voice was much more able to demonstrate her desire. Raelle wondered if those who could see would be able to understand that intention with their eyes.  
"Sure. We'll go then. And... sorry, again"  
"I said enough with the apology" Scylla laughed softly, but that was a tone that only Raelle could understand. She bit her lip, reading a pain there that the brunette never showed anyone except to her, sometimes. It was deep, tormented.  
"Come on, Tal. Goodnight Rae" Abigail spoke, moving away.  
Was it already evening? How? She hadn't noticed. But how could she have noticed the change in the color of the sky? She couldn't see it. Apparently it was already evening.  
"Goodnight girls. Thanks again"  
"See you soon, Rae." Tally hugged her before walking away and Raelle smiled bitterly without her friend being able to see that expression.  
'I hope so'

Once the two girls were gone, silence finally expanded inside the house; Raelle's ears thanked but her mind was not of the same opinion. A hand reached for her and Raelle was quick to intertwine their fingers, squeezing, trying her best to show on her face what she was feeling.  
"Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?" Scylla spoke softly, standing in front of her.  
Raelle took a step closer, feeling the other girl take a breath when their bodies touched and Raelle's left hand climbed onto her arm, shoulder and finally onto her face. Scylla had warm, soft cheeks, and the hand she brought to cover hers was soft too. She seemed to have just got out of the shower, or maybe not, maybe she had taken a bath, because her skin smelled too good to have simply been under a quick jet of water.  
She had missed her. She felt like she had been away from home for at least a year, not a month.  
The warm presence of Scylla at her side gave her an uncommon confidence; until the day before she had felt frail, incapable and useless for what had happened during the mission. Now, close to the girl, fragility was vulnerability, feeling incapable had turned into a desire for help, and uselessness, that... well, she would have worked on it.  
"Raelle?" Scylla's soft voice brought her back to the present moment. How soft could a voice be? It could, Scylla's was, and for Raelle's mind it made sense to describe it as such, as she plucked strings of sweetness and warmth inside of her.  
"What do you want to do, Rae?"  
Didn't she want answers? Wasn't she surprised, confused or even angry? It could have been all of them. Instead of taking back her thoughts, Raelle spoke.  
"Scyl, don't you... want me to tell you what happened? Aren't you angry at me?"  
Scylla took her hand, the one placed on her face, and pulled it away, scaring Raelle, who couldn't see the expression in her eyes. Only a second or two and Scylla hugged her, clutching the fabric of her shirt between her hands, and Raelle felt her lashes tremble slightly against the skin of her neck.  
“It's late, Raelle. I missed you every single day. How could I be angry? They told me. Anacostia told me everything. Now I just want to do what you feel like doing and just be with you. Nothing else. We’ll talk tomorrow"  
Raelle felt tears come to her eyes but she couldn't cry, because her bandages were too tight.  
"I want to go to sleep in our bed, and not wake up before noon." Her voice came out low, and Scylla just nodded.  
She was home.


	2. Trust

Scylla treats her gently, does not push her to do what she does not want to do but favors her desires and her limits. There is only a week left until Christmas Eve.  
On the second night since Raelle got home, Scylla asks if she can take off her bandages.  
"Why?" Raelle blocks her hands, stiffening, but Scylla doesn't hesitate to calmly answer her.  
"Because I would like to look into your eyes"  
It's unfair, Raelle thinks, because she can't look at Scylla, and she doesn't want to let go of the bandages because that cloth leaves intact the temporariness of everything that's going on. Taking them off would mean accepting what is happening to her.  
“Not yet, Scyl, sorry” She turns under the covers, giving her back to the brunette, but Scylla surrounds her with her arms and places light kisses at the base of her neck, just above the vertebrae protruding under the skin.  
"It’s okay"

It is the third day when Raelle almost falls down the stairs.  
Scylla is behind her, grabs the sleeve of her shirt just in time, pulling back hard, and together they fall to the floor of the corridor.  
"Are you okay? Rae?" Scylla puts a hand on her knee, squeezing it, while Raelle catches her breath, furiously touching the ground with her palms to understand where exactly she is. At that moment Scylla starts laughing, more and more, and more openly. Raelle frowns, moving her head in that direction.  
"What are you laughing at?" The laughter hits her in the stomach, causing her to smile.  
"You should have seen the face you made." Scylla struggles to speak, probably with tears in her eyes. It's the kind of laugh that she doesn’t make that often.  
"Oh really? Well, I can't” The blonde doesn't want to burden her words with bitterness but that's what it seems when she hears them uttered.  
Scylla stands up, wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and doesn't wait for an explicit request before taking Raelle by the hand and pulling her up to her feet.  
“I know you can't, silly. No one can see their face. And it's better this way, otherwise you would become too arrogant, or worse, you would fall in love with yourself and leave me” She laughs, expressing light words, the first ones that don't make Raelle feel deprived of something. The fixer smiles, feeling her heart beating calm, and brings Scylla's hand to her lips, kissing it.  
"Or I would see how wonderful you are in comparison"  
Scylla laughs softly, taking a step closer. “Okay, flatterer. Now I'll help you down the stairs"  
"I know how to go down the stairs, Scylla"  
But Scylla doesn't let her go.  
"Trust me"

And Raelle trusts her.

The same evening, after dinner, they are both in the bedroom changing for sleep. Raelle snorts and complains in a low voice, rummaging through the drawers, looking for a pair of shorts in particular according to the quality of the fabric, shape and weight; which forces her to spend a lot of time on each item of clothing she finds.  
"Can I help you?" Scylla lets her do it, talking to her from the other side of the room. She knows her girlfriend, how much she likes being able to do everything on her own.  
“No, no, I… I'm just looking for my pajamas. Thanks"  
"Oh, okay" Scylla is calm. She does not move from her side of the bed, on which she is sitting. Raelle listens, trying to understand if she is frustrated by her pride or bored by the constant refusal of the offered help. During the slow search she feels bare feet on the parquet pass behind her. A door opens on the left. Three seconds and it closes with a slight creak. Scylla’s feet start moving again and her arm encircles Raelle’s hips, while she slowly rests her torso against her back.  
"Here they are" She blows against the blonde’s ear. Her voice is low and cocky, it triggers all the nerves that are exposed and ready to ignite whenever they are in contact with Scylla. The brunette puts in her hands exactly what she had been looking for for more than ten minutes.  
"Trust me, Raelle"  
Raelle doesn't double check. She trusts her, wears the shorts and follows her to bed.

On the fourth day they leave the house for the first time. Scylla makes everything look easy, helping the fixer's constant nervousness; she has been whistling a tune for at least two days now: whenever she washes the dishes, when she works, when she cleans, when she accompanies her to do what she, alone, cannot do. It is a pleasant and calming sound, it reaches her heart and soothes her.  
"What’s that? I've never heard this song"Raelle's hand travels on the marble shelf opposite the door, finding the keys in the small ceramic bowl.  
"What is what?"  
"The song you've been singing for two days"  
"Oh" She's smiling, Raelle feels it. "Just a Seed I'm practicing on"  
"Really? Since when did you start exercising again? What is it about?" She does her best to show on her features every bit of curiosity she’s feeling. Scylla slips her arm under hers, letting out a short laugh.  
“First, I'm a necro, Rae. I always practice. And second, it's a surprise. Trust me"  
They cross the threshold of the house, Scylla closes the door and Raelle locks it, immediately putting her hand in her pocket afterwards, protecting it from the cold.  
"You look handsome, by the way"  
Raelle smiles, turning to her left, towards Scylla, and trusts her.  
They walk the brightly decorated streets, under the side-to-side hanging decorations, alongside the decked gardens. Scylla doesn't comment on any of this. She clings to Raelle’s arm, accompanying her every step.  
"It's nice to walk out here with you. I thought you weren’t coming back before Christmas day"  
Raelle moves her head, resting it against Scylla's, which bumps on her shoulder. "I missed you so much"  
The blonde presses a kiss on her hair, breathing deep every scent she can, feeling truly glad to be home, despite her lack of sight. It is the first time that Christmas make her feel this way, glad to be alive.  
“I missed you too, Scyl” She misses many things about her still, like her every color, expressions or little details, but Raelle keeps this thought in her mind for the moment, enjoying her girlfriend’s warmth. They continue walking for a couple of meters, then Raelle lifts the scarf over her nose and shakes off the shivering cold, making Scylla turn.  
"Miss Collar, you might want to show some skin. You leave everything to the imagination, don’t be shy"  
The blonde laughs, raising her scarf even more, until she covers her ears.  
"Are you cat calling me, Ramshorn?"  
"What? Me? I would never do that, Raelle. It is disgusting and disrespectful. It is certain, however, that if you lowered this scarf a little bit you would be much prettier, I'll take you home after the walk if you want"  
Raelle shoves her away, laughing. "Scylla, stop it, you’re ridiculous"

Suddenly, Scylla's arm no longer guides her, it was she who pushed her away and already regretted it, even if she did it amicably. The smile leaves her lips and a feeling of strong need invades her, throwing her into panic. She freezes there, in the middle of the road, for the longest seconds of her life.  
For the first time she realizes how much she underestimated the presence of Scylla in her life for the whole past year, and only because, thanks to her sight, she always knew which direction to go. Now, however, she is not lost because she does not see but because she does not feel Scylla at her side, and it is the same emotion she felt after the wedding, when she thought the girl was missing, or when they told her she was dead, or after the moment she discovered the brunette was part of the Spree and that they would send her to die in a remote prison, far away.  
She remembered well what she had said to her sisters, under the girl's window: ‘That was her room. Everywhere I turn, I see her’  
She saw her because she was looking for her all the time. Even now, deprived of sight, she just wanted to feel her by her side. That’s when Scylla comes back, called by those thoughts. She slides her hand again on the crook of her elbow and tightens the grip, no longer risking letting go.  
"I'm here. I'll guide you. Trust me" She kisses Raelle on the lips, igniting in her a lost emotion dating back to the early days of their relationship, when everything was new and exciting and both were infinitely younger.  
"It's not cat calling if I'm your girlfriend" Scylla grins after whispering the words. They start walking together.  
"It is, even if you are my girlfriend"  
"But if I remember correctly, you don't complain when I do it in the dark of our bedroom-"  
Raelle's gloved hand covers her mouth, immediately blocking that sentence.  
“What’s with you and talking about our private life when we are outside? Jesus, Scyl"  
Scylla laughs behind the wool of her glove, warming the blonde's hand with her warm breath.  
“I only do it because I love it when I can make you blush. Like now, for example"  
Raelle immediately moves her hand, revealing the smug expression of the girl who cannot be seen but certainly felt. She hides better her face into the scarf, covering the cheeks.  
"It's just the cold, Scylla"  
"Sure"  
The fixer holds back the smile she would like to show her girlfriend, hating and loving at the same time the ease with which her girlfriend manages to embarrass her in the best way.

It is the night of the fourth day when Scylla, turning over in bed, feels Raelle behind her. She stretches in her arms, letting out little moans of satisfaction, and opens one eye. Raelle has her eyes closed, she’s still sleeping peacefully but she no longer has the bandages to cover that portion of her face.  
Dawn is near, its light allows Scylla to see the red halos around the eyelids, above, below, to the side. Scylla raises a hand but doesn't dare touch her skin for fear of waking her. In a very low voice, she intones the song she has been practicing for days, the one that invaded her mind the exact moment when she saw Raelle again on the doorstep, the evening she came back from the mission.  
"You know, it is rude to stare at someone sleeping"  
Raelle purses her lips, speaks in a voice thick with sleep, but does not open her eyes. She stays that way and her grip around Scylla's waist barely strengthens.  
"Technically, I wasn't staring at you"  
Raelle calmly approaches, knowing the exact location of her lips, and kisses her. Slow. Calm. The kiss almost takes Scylla’s breath away.  
"I feel your gaze, Scyl." The fixer whispers against her lips, amused, and Scylla surrounds her face with her hands, returning to what those words interrupted. While they kiss with all the calm in the world, on that early December morning, Scylla continues to repeat the song in her mind, sure that it comes directly from the love she feels for Raelle.

On the sixth day the doorbell rings, but Raelle is preparing lunch, so she can't exactly leave everything on the fire to go see who it is.  
"I'll go, I'll go!" Scylla runs down the stairs, rushing to the door while Raelle shakes her head, thinking how dangerous it is to do such a thing. She has done it millions of times too and didn’t break her neck.  
The voice at the door is familiar but the sound of fire and boiling water distracts her, she cannot reach that distance with her hearing. So she stops trying only when the door closes and Scylla's footsteps approach the kitchen.  
"Who was it?"  
"It was Tally"  
"Oh. What did she want? Why didn't she come in to say hi?"  
“I told her she could come in, but she was in a hurry. She's behind with her Christmas presents and brought ours from her and Abigail's"  
"Oh, great" Raelle focuses on lunch again, frowning. She didn't buy a gift, not even for Scylla. And now she doesn't have time to fix it because she doesn't know any reading method, or tactile recognition, she has no experience, she has never been interested in any of these things and she doesn't even want to call someone to help her choose, because the only person she now wants and desires to stay with is Scylla.  
She hears her girlfriend go and place the packages under their tree and then return beside her. The brunette runs a hand on her arm, causing numerous chills down her spine, and smells the good scent of lunch while humming in a low voice the Christmas music they are playing on the radio. The sensation makes Raelle feel at ease, in a perfect place to be and every worry goes away for an instant.  
"Dance with me, Rae, this song is nice"  
The blonde smiles without leaving her place at the stove, despite Scylla’s pulling her arm.  
"Scyl, if I distract from the fire I will burn everything"  
"Who cares about lunch, let's dance"  
“You should care if you're hungry,” laughs the fixer, then assuming a more serious tone of voice. "I can't dance like I used to, Scyl"  
Scylla, however, insists, making her lose balance.  
“Come on, Raelle, let's dance. Like when we were at the wedding. Like when you trusted me” Her voice cracks slightly, despite trying to stay light, and Raelle blocks the movement of the spoon in the pot.  
She looks for the fire knob and turn it down to low, then leaves everything there, all under Scylla's watchful eyes.  
Finally she turns, looking serious, taking both hands of her girlfriend and brings her close.  
“I am sorry. I am sorry I went there. I am sorry I didn’t trust you, Scyl. But I'm learning to do it again"  
Scylla steps closer, encircles the blonde with her arms and close her eyes, slow dancing in the center of the kitchen, while the music continues, cheerful and festive, enveloping them in its atmosphere. Raelle can’t see her, but she doesn’t need to.  
“Take all the time you need. I'm in this with you"

They spend the evening of Christmas Eve reading, playing and talking: the air is lighter after days of explanations, apologies and new kinds of trust. Scylla admits she took all the decorations she liked, taking advantage of the fact that Raelle couldn't see them. Raelle laughs, trusting her.  
"How ungrateful you are"  
"Ungrateful? Big words, Rae, you are not my mother" Scylla laughs, sitting in front of her on the sofa, between her fingers a glass of spiced wine that invades the senses, that tastes of home and holidays, celebrations that Raelle can see in completely different way for the first time. She plays with Scylla's hand, smiling, and let her head rest on the other hand, placed against the backrest.  
“What about my gift? I won't like that too, like the colors you decorated the house with?"  
“There’s no way you won’t like your present, which by the way I am about to give you”  
Scylla laughs, pulling her close. Raelle smells the scent of the fruity wine near her nose and knows exactly what intentions animate the girl, because they are the same she is feeling. When the older girl's lips rest on hers in a simple kiss, Raelle brushes her chin with her fingers, as they once did, and keeps her there for some time, asking to continue that desired contact. Scylla moves only a breath, parting her lips, then takes the glass from Raelle’s hands and places them both on the low table in front of the sofa, stretching out.  
When she returns in front of Raelle, she strokes her face and resumes kissing her with more intensity, pushing her backwards on the soft surface. Raelle indulges, placing her hand behind her back helping herself to lay slowly on top of the soft cushions, but before she touches the surface, Scylla's hands drop to the hem of the shirt she is wearing and raise it a few centimeters, asking for permission. Raelle keeps herself up with one forearm and with her free hand helps Scylla take off her shirt, everything while their kisses become faster and driven by desire. Once the shirt is thrown somewhere near by the brunette, Raelle finally lets herself lay on top of the pillows and Scylla is immediately on top of her. Raelle feels her weight, her hands and her presence everywhere. Now that those are the senses she can perceive, it seems to her that she has every nerve exposed, every tactile perception exponentially accentuated and deliciously sensitive. She trembles when she feels the warmth of Scylla's skin under her fingertips, Scylla notices and blows a laugh against her lips, between kisses.  
“Are you trembling? I should be the one doing it, you’re so beautiful” She talks with a low whisper and places a series of kisses on the side of her mouth, allowing her to respond if she wishes to. Raelle simply smiles, turning her head, thus capturing her lips in other kisses, full of expectation and impatience, but Scylla stops her after a few minutes, stroking the line of the side of her face with her fingers. Raelle feels looked at, observed and admired. And blushes, not used to that sensation, not used to not feel in control in any way. Scylla's eyes are powerful, they burn on her skin, so much so that Raelle thinks for a moment that's the purpose of the Seed she's been working on for days.  
"Rae.."  
The blonde moves a hand to Scylla's side, slipping it under the sweater and letting the palm wander over bare skin, up to the shoulder blades.  
"Raelle, why don't you want me to look at you..?" Scylla speaks softly against her cheek, kissing it.  
Raelle's hand freezes on Scylla's body, taken aback by those words, but the clarity she possesses in everyday moments does not accompany her now, taken as she is by the effect of alcohol and by the feeling of safety that Scylla's presence gives her.  
“Because you wouldn't see anything. Because I do not want... "  
Scylla kisses her face, caresses her arms, desires her, trusts and asks for trust; she is there with her, she does not leave her alone to wander aimlessly within infinite thoughts without rhyme or reason.  
"What is it you don't want, Raelle?"  
"I don't want to stay like this forever"  
Scylla breathes against the skin of her face, placing her lips on her cheekbone, just below the bandage.  
"What changes if you let me look at you?"  
The blonde slowly moves her hands on Scylla's back, hears her breathe at times, as her fingers caress her. "You would see me for what I really am, I could no longer hide, and I'm not sure you’ll like me"  
Scylla closes her eyes, moves the palm of her hand to Raelle's neck, where the vein pulsates blood to the rhythm of the heart at high speed.  
“Let me show you how much I like you and love you. Please, trust me."  
Raelle frowns, struggles to let go of control, but when she decides to do it, she finds out how easy it is. Those reins are too heavy, they are too painful, and holding them is what hurts, not letting go.  
Scylla's hands, light and present, slowly removes the blindfold, as if she was doing something truly meaningful and important, attentive to every sign of the girl, ready to stop at any moment. But Raelle lets her do it until the white material is pulled away completely and placed on the ground. Raelle's eyelids are less red than a few days before but still remain of a darker color, as if she had been hit by a punch or a heavy object, and now showing the signs of a hematoma. Scylla puts her lips over both of them, giving light kisses, then waiting for the moment when she could finally see the color of the girl's irises.  
Raelle looks down, doesn't dare to keep her pupils straight in front of her, because even if she can't see, she hears Scylla in that direction and is ashamed of what she is. She opens her eyes, nothing changes in the veil of black that is all her sight. Scylla says nothing, she just caresses her face with the pads of her thumbs.  
"Raelle"  
It is such an instinctive gesture that it catches her unprepared, her eyes dart up, staring blindly into those of Scylla, who observes carefully, who sees nothing different in her.  
“You don't need sight to be who you are, or know where I am, nor to know how I look, much less to read my heart. If this is our future, I choose it, because it is with you, and you will be the only thing I'll ever look at, if it makes you feel better. We’ll figure it out together, I promise."  
She kisses her, eagerly, with intensity and passion. Scylla does not need that contact to tell her how she feels, but it is useful for both of them to seal a truth that resonates within each of them, as intense and tangible as the first sound heard at birth. That evening they don't bother leaving their living room to share one of the best nights of love of their life.

On Christmas morning they are together, sitting on the ground next to the decorated tree. Raelle laughs, unwrapping the gift from Tally and Abigail without being able to see it, because Scylla continues to make strange comments about it, and must admit that she is a little afraid of what she will find inside.  
"What is that? Do you already see it?" Her hands touch the plastic that contains something soft, maybe a sweatshirt. Scylla helps her find the end from which the package can be opened, stifling more laughter.  
"Yes, hm, yes, it's... a wonderful gift, to tell you the truth"  
Raelle, however, can read her voice like never before and raises an eyebrow, feeling the soft wool of what must be a Christmas sweater. Tally talked about it often in the past months.  
“Is it a sweater? It seems like... one of those Christmas sweaters with sleds, reindeer and 'oh oh oh' written on it " Raelle snorts, touching her gift with meticulous hands, feeling the length of the sleeves, the width of the collar, the softness of the material. “It doesn't sting, does it? I hate sweaters that sting"  
Scylla breathes like when you don't want to laugh at all costs, and this makes Raelle even more suspicious. She lowers the gift on her legs and fixes her clear blind eyes in Scylla's direction, without looking her in the face.  
"What's up? What's this? Scylla. Tell me."  
"No, it's just that... there is a card that wishes you a wonderful Christmas and that begs you to wear it today, when they’ll visit us" Her voice returns calm and collected, but the veil of irony remains, and Raelle does not let it go.  
“Trust me, Raelle. Really. It's... splendid"  
The fixer cannot resist those words. She has no idea of Scylla's betrayal, in cahoots with her sisters. She has just discovered how good it is to trust her and Scylla has never let her down yet. She doesn't know she is holding a pink sweater with a giant red heart printed on the front, with the words “High Atlantics lover” inside, written in beautiful handwriting. She doesn't know and Scylla doesn't tell her, fully enjoying Raelle’s unawareness.  
Tally and Abigail arrive after lunch, when the light is already starting to decrease and the sun is lowering in the sky. Everyone forgets that they were on a mission until the week before, because there are laughter, jokes, complicity and happy moments together; Tally reminds her a thousand times of the beauty of the sweater she's wearing, how it matches her skin color perfectly, everyone agrees and Raelle believes them, making them laugh with her sincere “Thank you, Tal”. Abigail teases her when they play cards, asking her to play alone and not with Scylla, because in two it would be unfair, as she would see everyone's cards and recommend a strategy to Scylla.  
Scylla never leaves her side, passes her what she needs before she even opens her mouth. The brunette seems to read her mind, and every couple of minutes Raelle feels her gaze on her.  
But it is before evening, when her stomach aches for laughter and the spiced wine warms her soul and body that she feels her eyes tingle, like when you have a numb limb and suddenly you move it, bringing blood back inside of it. Scylla is the first to notice.  
“Rae, are you okay?" She places a hand on her arm and Raelle turns, feeling nothing again.  
"Oh, I was just a little itchy, that's all"  
"Did you feel something? Just now?" The brunette, if she had whispered before, now speaks louder, tightening her grip on her arm, letting out curiosity and perhaps, was it incredulity what Raelle heard?  
"Yes, why?" The fixer raises one eyebrow, confused at her sudden interest.  
"Oh my god" Scylla whispers as she slips her hand into Raelle's under the gazes of Tally and Abigail and takes her leave of the room for a moment, pulling her girlfriend behind her. “Sorry, guys, we’ll be back in a minute”  
She goes into the living room, where the light is more intense and the silence welcomes their breaths, Scylla's much more agitated than that of the blonde.  
"Scylla, what is it? What?" Raelle's words are stopped, as well as her body, by Scylla's hands that surround her face and block her there.  
“I've been trying for days, I tried everything. I found it"  
"What are you trying, Scyl, what are you talking about?"  
“The song you hear me sing every day. The one I sing every minute of my days and nights, Rae"  
The blonde places her hands on those of the other girl, moves her eyes in front of her, she would like to look at her blue ones, get lost in the ocean they contain, but she sees only black, thick darkness.  
"The song? I don’t understand"  
"Raelle. Trust me. You’ll see"  
Scylla murmurs next to her face and begins to whisper in a broken voice a low sound from her chest, the same one that Raelle heard a few minutes before, during the games, before her eyes started to feel itchy. As it had happened, once again the tingling starts, this time more intense, and Raelle puts her hands to her eyes, as she did when she was a child during spring, every time she decided to run in the middle of a meadow in full bloom. But the burning slowly turns into freshness, the annoyance into delight, and finally, for the first time after weeks of nothing, Raelle feels the veil of humidity that covers the cornea. And in the dark, a light.  
After days and days of total darkness, Raelle sees.  
She blinks, frowns, while Scylla stays focused with her eyes closed and sings her own healing song, despite her being a necro, despite the fact that she has never healed anyone with any Seed in her life.  
And, even if completely blurred, Raelle can see her.  
She moves her pupils, bothered by the new light, not knowing what emotion she’s feeling at the moment, and as soon as she sets them on everything around her, she realizes that Scylla lied to her.  
The tree is colored in gold, not red. The decorations, from the first to the last, are what she liked or mentioned to like months before. Everything, every corner that Raelle can see from where she is, follows her tastes. Every single thing. And to top it off, Scylla is wearing the blue dress she had seen in the stalls of the city market with Abigail, before leaving for the mission.  
"How... Scylla, how did you get this dress?" Raelle whispers, running her hands over the fabric, making Scylla suddenly open her eyes, staring into those of the fixer. She winces, looking closely at her and holds her face in her hands with more ardor, while her eyes become luminous.  
"It worked. You see, oh my god-” She completely ignores what the blonde said and let her arms holding her in a hug that is not really typical of the necro, but that Raelle appreciates with all her might, reciprocating it even more strongly. Her eyes continue to see blurred, the light bothers her, but in that moment she doesn't care. Scylla did something to her, she has no idea what, and she managed to heal what the fixers couldn't do.  
"Scyl, how did you do it?"  
“I don't know, Rae. I only heard this song when you came back and it never left my mind” Scylla doesn't move away, speaking against her ear, and Raelle feels her chest vibrate at her words, as if they were sharing only one. She holds her girlfriend in her arms, feeling a pure laugh of joy rising inside.  
"I don't know what to say, I-"  
"We have to tell Tally and Abigail"  
Raelle nods, smiling and moves away from her, ready to finally look her in the eye, but first she notices something else; a terrible color, a color that should never be worn. She lowers her gaze, noting that she is the one wearing it, and focuses her eyes, trying to understand what is written on it. Scylla opens her mouth to speak but freezes as soon as she sees Raelle's expression.  
"Scylla. What the actual hell am I wearing?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Let me know, comments, considerations, opinions, anything!


End file.
